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The transcript was provided by Sarah Neal , whose skills we recommend wholeheartedly. Rob: Jerry knows a lot about boats. I want a boat and he wants a boat. Jerry: A partnership like that could be just great. Rob: Yeah. All we have to do is avoid all the pitfalls. Millie: I agree with Laura. You guys are going to wind up mad at each other and we're going to have to meet on the sly. Laura: Yeah. It's got to happen, Rob.
You don't know the first thing about a boat. Rob: That is just the point. That's why this partnership's going to work. Look, the only area of conflict is when there's a difference of opinion, right? I don't know the first thing about boats, so I don't have any opinion at all. Jerry knows everything about boats. He can be the commodore, and I can be the first mate. Jerry: No, no Rob. I'll be the captain and you'll be the seaman. Drew: You are listening to Gayest Episode Ever, a podcast that looks at the LGBT-focused episodes of classic sitcoms, which is to say the very special episodes that also happen to be very gay episodes.
I'm Drew Mackie. Drew: And this episode is a new kind of episode for Gayest Episode Ever. We are five episodes into our first season. Glen: It's second season, actually. Drew: Second season. Thank you. I don't really understand how s work.
But I know how workload works, and going into this one, I wanted to put in breaks for myself where I had to do less post-production because I do all the post-production on this show. Drew: You talk. You talk, and that's enough. No, it's just a lot of work to put these out on a weekly basis.
So this is going to be a lighter week, and we're doing a shorter episode where we talk about something that we probably wouldn't ever tackle in a regular episode. In case the intro did not tip you off, this week we happen to be talking about The Dick Van Dyke Show —kind of in general, but with a concentration on the episode "The Ballad of Betty Lou," which first aired on November 27, , which makes it the oldest episode of anything we've talked about so far.
Drew: I think Dick Van Dyke gets a trophy for still being alive. Glen: Oh, my god. He is? I was really ready to talk about him in the past tense. Drew: He was in the Mary Poppins movie. He made a cameo. He's 93 and still alive and [exhales] in was rescued by porpoises when he fell asleep on his surfboard and floated off the coast.
Glen: I want Lisa Frank to paint that. Drew: I believe so. I'm going to stick with yes. I'm not going to Google it. Drew: I think that you're in pretty good company. I think this was not something that was in syndication as often as stuff from the later '60s to the '80s were for us. It ran for five seasons— episodes in five seasons—from October 3, , to June 1, I never saw it until after I moved to Los Angeles. When I didn't have any friends here and didn't have anything to do, I burned through all episodes. Drew: It made me feel better about things—that and Sym-Bionic Titan were the two things that mattered to me at that point in my life.
Glen: Imagine that crossover. Drew: [laughs] I think it holds up very well. I think there's a timelessness to the writing and also the acting. And if you've never seen this show—I think it's on Hulu and Netflix—I say, just pick any episode because there's not really an overarching storyline. Drew: I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Drew: Yeah. Morey Amsterdam's character gets a wife named Pickles, who I think they recast twice, and then they just make her an unseen character because neither of them worked properly.
Half the show is their domestic life, and the other half of the show is him in the writers' room for The Alan Brady Show —which is sort of The Tonight Show before The Tonight Show was a thing. There he works with Rose Marie and Morey Amsterdam, and they're good too. Carl Reiner plays Alan Brady, and the whole thing is very appealing. It has a wonderful vibe that I think every subsequent sitcom has been trying to get and has failed to get. Glen: What's your favorite writers' room sitcom?
Drew: It has to be, right? What's yours? Glen: I have to look it up actually. What's that blonde woman on Last Man Standing? I should—. Drew: Nancy Allen is the mean girl from Carrie, who I met and was very nice to me. It was in the '90s. No one watched it.
It got canceled. Drew: It was two seasons, so that's something. Glen: Yeah. She's perfect. I hear she's very nice. I like her. I like that. Glen: She's like, I think she was 17 when she was cast, and she had to lie about her age to get an audition. Drew: I mean, more points for lying I guess, because they're very good on screen, and it made her a star, and she looks great. She looked good on Mary Tyler Moore , and that was quite a bit after this. Glen: Here's my theory of attractiveness, both on TV and also in real life: People who look mature [when they're] very young age well.
Drew: Because it's less of a downward slide because they already look that way, or because they know how to carry it because they got it early? Glen: I don't know. I just think those types of genes age better. Most people probably aren't supposed to look good their entire lives. It's like: You're going to look good older; you're going to look good younger, and you just get to ride that wave a little longer.
Glen: That being said, Dick Van Dyke—in this episode and in the show—carries himself like an old man. Drew: Maybe that's because Mary Poppins is our primary line into his career—I don't know. But he does—he seems older than she is, even knowing that she's playing up her age quite a bit. For what it's worth, on the show, I think they do a good job of showing that marriage as a partnership where they work through stuff together. They're partners in family planning, child planning. And I think Rob is a little bit loonier than Laura is, but either one of them could be the Homer in a given situation that pulls them into a zany situation, and I like that they at least split the duties on that.
Glen: Yeah, she has no problem pushing back against him in a way that Lucille Ball couldn't necessarily push back against Ricky. Let's find a gay episode of I Love Lucy. Drew: This is actually something we're doing at the end part of this episode. We're putting out a call for submissions for episodes that you think we can do.
But there's got to be that guy—that guy that's [like], "Yeees"? That guy. Or is that on The Lucy Show? Glen: I think that's Lucy Show. Drew: I kind of conflate them into one thing. Drew: We'll figure it out. In this episode, we're talking about—. Glen: Wait, we could talk about the Rock Hudson episode. Drew: I don't know that because I have—. Drew: I have holes in my I Love Lucy knowledge.
But also, I notice this thing where if you make up—I think most people have not seen every episode of it, so if you just make something up, like, "Oh, the one where she injures a lumberjack at the lumberjack competition and he loses his hand. That sounds like an episode they did.
They just did every storyline. It was like a cartoon in a lot of ways. Jerry is played by Jerry Paris who went on to mostly do directing. He directed two Police Academy movies. Glen: Which ones, which ones, which ones? Drew: Two and three I think, so early on.
Drew: Which one is four? Is that Citizens on Patrol? Drew: Is that the one with Sharon Stone? Drew: She's in one of them before she was anything. Millie is played by Anne Morgan Guilbert, who played Fran Fine's grandma on The Nanny , so basically she got to bookend her career with two long-running sitcoms.
Good for her. And we're really just talking about the opening scene because there's something in here that I've always wondered how accurately I could say is a semen joke. I think there might be a semen joke hiding in this episode of Dick Van Dyke. Glen: And by hiding you mean they say it. Drew: They say it, but I feel like—I say "hiding" because I'm trying to counter in advance when people are like, "No, it's not.
You're stupid. Glen: Set it up, and I'll call you stupid.Dick van dyke gay
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